Okay, so Sunday I'm standing in line waiting to check out at my least favorite grocery store in Speedtown (Yes--I mean you Kroger. Hey Marsh--bring back those gas points, will ya?), and I keep getting swatted in the face.
With hair.
Human hair.
That is approximately 4 feet long. And no--it wasn't Crystal Gayle in line in front of me. It was an annoyingly hyper 14 to 17 year old girl. It was hard to tell. Really..it could have been Cousin It under there, who knows?
Did I mention the freakishly long hair? Past her knees?
In my face?
Well--I couldn't let this child continue to assault me, and I figured she may not realize she was attacking me with her locks (You know--like how people who smell don't know they smell? Same concept.). So, I casually say
"You certainly don't see hair that long anymore...do you?"
Girl's mother (who has a big scary mound of hair wound around her head...and a floor length skirt. Which is odd considering child has on skin tight jeans--obviously two or three sizes to small--suede boots that come up past her knees, and is reading a copy of some tabloid) replies with the following:
"Well how else are people to know she's pure? And that she loves Jesus?"
Okay--this lady was totally not joking when the above was said.
And I SO wanted to say "Of course she's pure. No one's going near two feet of nasty old split ends!"
No matter how hard up someone may be, you will find even most men have hair standards.
But did I utter? No, but I started to say something benign, and that's when girl spins around to pay for her smutty tabloid magazine....(again--this does not fit in with any religion that forbids hair cutting that I'm aware of...maybe there's a new sect out there)
And I pretty much get a mouth full of Jesus hair.
And you just can't top that.
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