The indignity of disposable underpants

Um yes...you read correctly.

Today I am sporting some bruises (from a blown out vein), welts (from medical tape), and an altogether grumpy self.

All thanks to outpatient surgery.

And no, since I'm allergic to codeine, I have no good drugs, either. Just super-duper Ibuprofen. And it's not really touching squat at this point.

I won't bore you with the medical details of the 'why', but I can entertain you with the idiocy that ensues when I go anywhere.

I get to the hospital, check in, talk to the nurse and am told to disrobe and put on this purple (Sweet! My favorite color!) gown. That is giant. How giant? I wrapped it around me twice and tied it in the front...that's how giant. (And I'm not the smallest person on the planet kids..I've seen grown people much smaller than yours truly.) And blue no slip socks.

Blue? Wait a second.....this clashes with my purple gown. (And just by luck, I had on a purple headband, so from the knees up..I looked as put together as one could in hospital garb.) Not just clashes..it just looks stupid. Leave it to me to ask if there was another color of sock available.

Nope. Not kidding.

And nope. There weren't.

That's when the disposable underpants come into play.

And these, my friends, are truly GIANT. Like you could park a mack truck in these bad boys. But you gotta do what you gotta do, so on they went much to my chagrin.

Oh! And did I mention the blazing migraine headache that had been bouncing about in my skull since 6 am? That I couldn't take any medication for? Yea..that was awesome, too.

So my IV gets placed (twice...see above for that blown vein reference), I try to sleep for an hour (not) in a darkened room, but my head--oi! It wouldn't stop. Hospitals, it would seem, are NOT the place to go to get caught up on your rest. Thank god my anesthesiologist is a fellow migraine sufferer, and took pity on me. I got caffeine with my narcotics! This, people, is something I highly recommend. I woke up in a good mood, sans headache, and ready to go. No kidding! (This is much better than the last time when all I did was cry and pretty much punched a nurse in the face. Ooops...)

Well, sort of ready to go. I'm still feeling kind of icky, but I'll live. Trust me, I've felt WAY worse than this.

But the idea that perfect strangers saw me in mismatched hospital clothes and NO makeup (I wasn't even allowed mascara! Cruel, cruel people!!) with scary stretchy mesh underpants? That's the stuff my nightmares are made of!