Teddy Bear Tattoos and Food Stamps?

You would think these things do not go together.

I'm here to tell you that they do.


Now--please don't worry! I have not out and gotten myself inked. That said, gather round children--let me tell you a story.

I was at work on Friday night, doing my normal picking up after people thing (and now that the holidays are over, I can honestly say that my second job is like a cake walk. I can do this thing in my sleep if need be. And Friday, I can pretty much guarantee you that I was sleep walking.

Until.

Until a girl that I work with bounded over to me (which takes a lot, because she's damn near close to six feet tall) excited like a six year old.

To show me her new tattoo.

(Which was added to an already giant tattoo on her lower arm, close to her wrist of a rose.)

Her new tat? Is of a Teddy Bear with a bow around his neck. Surrounded by flowers.

She was soo excited, too. This probably made my WTF reaction not so appreciated. I quickly reined it in:

"Is that a...bear?"

"NO! He's not just 'a bear'. It's a Teddy Bear! Just like Mr. SnugglePants, the bear I've had since I was a kid. I love Mr. SnugglePants!"

"Wow.....that's.....neat."

"I had to come to work tonight before we were finished with him. I'm adding some more stuff..you know. Doing a half sleeve thingy. So I will have ink all over the lower part of my arm. Cool, right?"

"Yeah....sooooo cool. You have fun with that."

What the hell do you say to a 22 year old woman/child that has added a 10 inch permanent stuffed animal to her arm. Her lower arm. In an area you will pretty much NEVER be able to cover up? How will you NOT regret such a stupid thing when you are 45?

And, more shocking, her boyfriends (she has more than one--but I forgot to ask if they all knew about each other) all seemed cool with this idea. Encouraged her, even.

Seriously--what man is going to take a look at that and not have his "Crazy Girl with Daddy Issues" alarm not go off? (If you are a guy, and this wouldn't be an issue for you--please explain to me why. In detail.)

So, off to my department I go to get some work done and before we know it, it is time to close. I'm working with BearGirl again and another nice older lady from the suburbs when Bear Girl asks us, out of the blue:

"Do you know where I can buy some Food Stamps? I broke up with the guy I used to get them from...for free--ha ha" (I have to interject here, the way she said this--you would think she was getting diamonds from this guy at no cost. She was proud of this fact.)

Hmm. Well, since that is illegal, and neither of us two old squares have ever been on public assistance (If you actually need it--there is NOTHING wrong with getting a helping hand. However--as this conversation illustrates--there are serious problems with this system.), let alone where to buy Food Stamps off the freaking street. Did she really expect me to be like "Yea...I've got a guy. I'll totally hook you up!"

Not so much.

And if I did have such a sleezeball in my back pocket, do you think I would share this? Especially to a girl with a stupid Teddy Bear on her arm.

Again--not so much.

Working so much, sometimes, does have it's own entertainment value, that's for sure!