This? This means war!

Hmm. I wonder if that Army Surplus store is still open off of 421??

Cause I'm going to need some supplies for when I open a can of kick ass on a librarian.

Yeah. You read that correctly: A librarian.

(OK--probably actually not a librarian, but a library page. You know, a shelf stocker, checker outer, checker inner...)

I'm thinking scary face paint, helmet--with foliage attached (I'm envisioning Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now....except not so bald. Or fat.), full on combat attire. Boots. Must have boots.

Why? I'll tell you why.

NO. I am not going to pay full price, plus processing, for a book THAT I TURNED IN. What book, you ask? This book:
                                                                    

Which is a great read! Super funny, highly enjoyable--made me laugh out loud (there may, or may not have been the occasional snort. Yes. Tina is that funny. Don't think so? You're dead to me.) If I could be anyone on the planet, it would be Tina Fey. But in actuality? I'm much more like Liz Lemon. Read for yourself--who said this?

“Lovers.. oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.”


You can't tell, can you???

Well..this one is a good example, too:

Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!


Liz: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?




It's like we are the same person. Sadly, she is a tragically funny fictional character that I will never get to hang out with. I am tragically not as funny, but still living her somewhat crappy life. Without her salary. This makes me sad....so sad.

This is has sort of taken the wind out of my sails in regards to storming the library.

I guess it all depends on my response from the library. I sent an e-mail telling them approximately when, and what other books were returned with my copy of Bossypants (like this one: Harry Truman's Excellent Adventure: The True Story of a Great American Road Trip. No really--read it! It's a fun book for summer. And the author is really cool. I kind of sort of met him when he talked about this book at the IMHM: The President Is a Sick Man: Wherein the Supposedly Virtuous Grover Cleveland Survives a Secret Surgery at Sea and Vilifies the Courageous Newspaperman Who Dared Expose the Truth.).

So wish me luck. But I have a bad feeling I'm going to have to go all Rambo on some little old lady.

It will so not be pretty.

On a happy note--I found a 10.00 gift card to Applebees in an old purse. And ten bucks? That will buy a crap ton of mozzarella sticks.

Summer Time...and the Livin' is Easy

Ah..

Summer.

It's time for peaches (peach pie!! peach ice cream! peach tea!), melons, summer squash, tomatoes (YES! My topsy turvy does have tomatoes on it--real ones. That are growing. That I will be able to eat!), sun tea, vacations, road trips, and various other types of summer fun.

And I?

I get to partake! No more part time job at retail hell! So, let me apologize now for no more tales of woe and poop. There is only so much one girl can take--and the last straw was the 30 hour work week I came back to after vacation in early June. Well, that and the fact that I had to stand in a small room with a woman caught shoplifting and watch her clean human waste from her body before the police would put her in the back of their car. No. No. NO!

No job that only pays $7.50 an hour was worth that kind of demoralization.

So. Now I have less money, for sure. (Yikes!) But I am happier than I have been in a long time. Not working 75+ hours a week  is just one component of this--but an important one.

I have time to read! I will get a list up soon (!) of stuff that I have really enjoyed this summer--but so far, you MUST check out Mary Roach's  Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void. This book is so good! Space travel + astronaut food + porn movies made in "space"?? Seriously. Read. This. Book.

I also have time for drive in movies, doing things outside (my patio gardens will not go down in flames this year. I will be conscious enough to water them), working out (A ton! I'm on a kick that I hope becomes a real habit....a good one.) and seeing people! I have the potential to road trip next weekend..so if you know of a giant ball of string, or worlds largest dinosaur shaped diner on 1-74/I-80 heading west into Iowa, please, let me know!

And yes, if I find any of those things, there will be photos!

And on the agenda for this evening? Pool Time!

Summer;  how sweet it is!

Why did I come back from the beach again??

Seems to be a theme, huh? I still haven't posted the rest of my cali travel briefs--but I have the interweb at home again (hooray!), so that should change--possibly tonight, so read up!

Who doesn't enjoy the ramblings of a drunk girl, anyway?

(Ok--just for the record-I don't write drunk. That is professionally irresponsible. But I can take full license to make as much fun of myself as I want after the fact.)

So I just got back from a fantastic time in North Carolina....the trip had it all. Beach, ocean, good company, copious amounts of beverages, and just generally really, really relaxing. My kind of good time.

No! Really! I get to mark some stuff off of my list now : )-

Celebrating the beginning of a marriage is always fun and I'm very happy Trisha wanted me to take part in her and Ryan's happy day...(Damn it! I still have the stupid song stuck in my head....).

I made it home last night, happy, exhausted, and just in a general good spirit--which hasn't been true in a long time. This calls for yoga or a nice turn around the canals downtown tonight.

And maybe some house stuff--but I really DO want to keep my good mood. And unpacking? Makes me grouchy. I don't have much on the agenda for today--and that's fine. (There's only been one little breakdown: Note to self; actually read directions on medicine before popping it down your throat...no one likes a hysterical woman calling the pharmacy. And the hysterical woman? Yea--she doesn't like to hear "You are a moron. Calm down--it's fine!" He could have been nicer about it!)

So grouchy profs? Bad drivers? Just crappy people in general? Yea...you are so getting a free pass today.

Enjoy it while it lasts, people!

Dear FDA: You suck.

Why yes--I do mean that FDA.

The United States Food and Drug Administration.

They suck.

They suck big fat donkey dong.

Why? I'll tell you why--they've taken the best drug ever made, off the market because of a technicality. They say there was never any approved use for the drug...Midrin.

That's been on the market since 1976? Really?

REALLY.

Read this blog (yes..I'm a dork and I read this stuff)..and see just how stupid all this red tape really is. My tax dollars at 'work':

http://migraine.com/blog/midrin-equivalents-for-migraines/

(Okay--and honestly--if anything, you have to read the blog above just for the comment from "tammy norton". Because I'm an asshole, it made me laugh. Or maybe it's just the pain? Nope--pretty sure it's the first bit.)

I've been on this blessed medication since 1994 (when my migraines started in earnest...some people only get them every few years...lucky devils! Try two to three times a month. Every month. Since 1994.)--it is truly a wonder drug. It works. It is a lovely combination of drugs...and caffeine. Just typing that last word makes me happy (odd, I know--but caffeine is part of my preventative care. This is why I drink my weight in coffee and diet dr. pepper and the occasional coke...if I cut back too much too quickly--I can notice drastic results..)

Oh Midrin..I miss you. I miss you so much! Imitrex? Blech. What total crap. It doesn't work worth a damn, I still have a headache, and I can't feel my fingers, toes, or see very well. Total bullocks is what Imitrex is--I took it at five thirty this morning.

And I still have a flipping headache. So on my way to work I chewed on some excederin migraine.

No, really. I literally chewed nasty pills. And tried not to cry.

Because it feels like my eyes are going to shoot out of their sockets.

So--if anyone knows where I can find some Midrin--please, please, please let me know! I'm desperate! There are some similar drugs on the market that I've researched that I will ask for (my doctor is on vacay this week...of all the times!), but in the meantime? I'm hosed.

Travel Journal: California Day 2

Saturday April 16th


Charlie Brown, the Beach and Bourbon!

Saturday is mainly girls’ day. Beth and I start out fairly early and head to one of Santa Rosa’s best attractions: The Charles Schulz Museum (and ice skating rink!). If you ever find yourself within driving distance of Santa Rosa—this is someplace you MUST come to. It’s simply amazing to see everything they’ve done to preserve Mr. Schulz’s work…and you get to see some of his process, original strips, and really cool works of Peanuts based art and really wonderful grounds. The wisteria was blooming everywhere which gives the place not only a fantastic smell—but a beautiful appearance, too. Something you really shouldn’t leave here without (besides some Snoopy souvenirs?) is a Peppermint Patty hot chocolate from the skating rink. And how fun was it to see kids skating, getting ready for hockey or figure skating lessons? Adorable is what it was—and it’s nice to see the place really does get used for what Sparky and his family really intended.

So after the museum Beth and I go on a bike ride on some trails to downtown Santa Rosa.

And apparently—my ass is not as fat as I think; it’s just the rest of me that’s poochy. Why do I think that? Because it’s been three days and my butt is still sore!! And that’s with a pretty damn decent padded seat! But I made it for the ride, we had a nice time eating lunch downtown and riding back. After lunch, we decided to take a drive to the coast—so I got to see the edge of America. And sea chickens galore (I don’t know why—but I do love sea gulls).The views were stunning—the ocean was a bit on the rough side, but Beth and I made the trek down to the beach to walk about and enjoy the view from a different perspective. The sand was much rougher in texture (and blue/grey) and the water is frigid make your parts shrink up cold. These, my friends, are not swimming beaches! But it doesn’t matter—you get the salty sea air, the sounds from the ocean and even the call of the sea gulls to relax you. I do love a beach and am so very glad we had a chance to drive to the coast to explore! From there, we headed back to SR--and we had than more than enough time to rest and clean up for our night out…and bourbon tasting.

We all three went to this great restaurant downtown, Jack and Tony's, and Beth and I started out with whiskey flights. Mine was small batch bourbon (A Woodford Reserve, Knob Creek 9/100, and a Glenn Byron—which was so nasty I couldn’t even finish the drink. The first two, on the other hand, were delightful), Beth’s was Irish (and I honestly cannot remember the name of a single one of them). If you go to their website—you will see just how freaking huge their whiskey list is.
http://jackandtonys.com/
Want to experiment? Then this is certainly a place to hit up. We also had a Japanese whiskey…not something I think I would drink on a regular basis, but not the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth, either.

Dinner was pretty damn good, too. Had lots of things to start (brie, warm spinach salad, red and golden beet salad with a citrus vinaigrette and goat cheese) followed by lamb with mushrooms and a homemade pasta (me), surf and turf (Beth), and some really tasty looking chicken (Triv). Once dinner was done, we went to the Russian River Brewpub and enjoyed (mostly) a sampler. Fifteen bucks for 18 beers? It’s totally something worth checking out if you ever find yourself out here—but beware of the sour beers!! None of us liked a single one of them…and I would consider myself a beer person. Who they are making these for—I’m not sure. Check the link below for more info:

http://russianriverbrewing.com/pages/brewpub.html

Travel Journal: California Day 1

Friday April 15th


Travel Begins…

Busy Day! I cannot be the only one who has a ton of stuff to do last minute before they leave for a trip…or am I? Procrastination is something I certainly excel at, but making sure I come home to clean sheets, putting away laundry, dropping of History Day papers, turning in library books, going to Mug N Bun to buy a gallon of root beer, going to FedEx to drop off said gallon of root beer (in a box full of peanuts, wrapped in bubble wrap, double bagged and rubber banded..let’s hope it made it!) doesn’t necessarily seem the normal way to start a vacation!

All the errands done, I got myself to the airport, hopped in the shuttle (got a little wet in the process), and got inside to catch the plane to beautiful…

Chicago’s Midway

Can I tell you how much I don’t care for Chicago airports? Well..maybe another time—but let’s put it this way: Indianapolis offers you a free couple of hours of wi-fi access. Chicago (one of the largest cities in America)? Not so much.

And of course, from Chicago to Denver—I had to sit next to two people who either made out or went back and forth in this fashion “No…I love YOU more!” “You’re silly! I love you SOOO MUCH!”

This. This behavior is enough to make normal sane people (I’ve never claimed to be one of these…but I think I can pass okay) to want to stab the offending persons in the eye. Or at least bludgeon them to death. I think it’s fantastic that you love your wife, sir, really—I do. I just don’t need to hear it for three and half hours straight.

I had brief pit stop in Denver (Where were the mountains?? I was told I would land in mountains!) and then it was off again. This time, I was stuck next to a farting businessman who double fisted gin and tonics. Sweet, right? How do I get so lucky?

But the scenery? The scenery on that flight was amazing! Can I even begin to explain how surreal it is to be 30,000 feet in the air and see the earth so close up that you feel like you could reach down and touch it? I don’t think I can, actually. The Rocky Mountains from on high look like the top of a perfect meringue pie. It doesn’t even look real. I was glad that, for once, I had taken the window seat—it was something I didn’t regret.

Until we went to land at SFO.

I fell asleep at some point on my flight from Denver, but woke up just in time to see lights sparkling up at me from the city below. I believed we had arrived. Wrong. Thirty minutes later, we are still flying over those sparkly lights—and I am so ready to get off the plane. But eventually—we did land; I got off the plane, got my bag and was promptly picked up by my tour guides, Beth and Triv. Waiting for me in the back seat? Mimosas—made from local bubbly enjoyed from Mason jars. Follow that with a most stunning view of the Golden Gate Bridge from the top and I will tell you I’ve never had a better welcome in any of my travels!

WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA!!

Yes--I'm the lazy bum with the Christmas lights....

Okay..it's officially no longer winter--so I have no excuse to hibernate. Or to be lazy when it comes to cranking out the old blog.

I've got the Spring Cleaning bug, but no time to do it, either. But I don't have a choice this week. My parents are going to be taking care of the boys for the most part when I am gallavanting about Northern California. If my mother came to the door today--I wouldn't let her in. There's dust. That you can see. This could lead her head to explode.

And then there's the reason I don't have time to clean as much as I should: work.

Ah work--the place I go on a regular basis to be insulted.

Like last Thursday..when I helped a woman find a shirt for an alumn. I asked the basic questions "How is she built? How does she like to wear her clothes?"--blah, blah, blah. And the woman says to me (swear to god--you CANNOT make this up): "Well, she's petite like you," (Adorable..I'm petite? No lady--really I'm just short.), "...but not so freakishly endowed."

I'm sorry--what? I thought I had heard her incorrectly, but she spoke on.

"I'll never understand why you girls mutate your bodies that way! It's just sad."

Oh.

Oh my god.

She thought I had purchased my girls? And because I work in customer service (and want to keep my job), I kept my mouth firmly shut. You don't have a lot of recourse when you are insulted in this job. Even when it's to your face.

But the weekend? The weekend was much more pleasant.

Saturday I had to work during the day, but had a most enjoyable evening with dinner with a good glass of wine, a pretty good movie adaptation of Jane Eyre (Which of course Carmen and I found quite funny in a lot of places that others did not. Mainly because of Dame Judi Dench's facial expressions. Classic repressed British woman--what's not to like about that?) with a small bag of THE BEST (yes--I'm going to say it) popcorn in the city. Why THE BEST? Because they use real butter! I'm actually getting hungry for it as I type. Heaven in a bag.

Sunday was a trip up to Atlanta to spend part of the day with the parents. I helped with plumbing (no, really!), and just gawked at the progress and had a BIG breakfast with the rents. Went by Lisa's Pie Shop on my way home--but sadly, she was closed. Sigh. When I got home from all my wanderings, I fired up the grill, threw on some chicken and asparagus and sat outside after dark to enjoy the breeze, my christmas lights (Yes--I am that white trash...but they look so damn festive! This week they are coming down...I promise.), and another bit of wine.

I've also heard a rumor that my bathroom will be painted when I get home next Tuesday...this makes me very happy. That said, I'm not holding my breath.

But it would still be super nice.