It's Banned Book Week!

Ah...America.


Home of the Free. Home of the Brave.


Home of the "We know better than you so we are going to deny you your constitutional rights to read this book. Trust us--it's for your own good!"

Why do we allow others to think for us like this? You know what other countries banned books?


Nazi Germany

North Korea

Communist Block Countries

USSR/Russia


Um. Last time I checked, we were a Republic, so, yea.
Back off people who think they know everything (Yes. I'm talking to you super, super scary people who think dinosaurs and people walked the earth at the same time.)--and let me enlighten some of you with a list of my all time favorite banned books; enjoy!


1) The Great Gatsby--by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Who doesn't love a story about drunken socialites, LOTS of marital infidelity, and suicide?? This story just reaffirms money doesn't buy happiness. People have the same emotional problems no matter how much money they have in the bank.


2) To Kill a Mockingbird--by Harper Lee.

Probably, no--I'm going to say it--this IS the best American novel of the 20th century. There. I've said it. Can't take it back. If you haven't read this? Leave the country. Now. You don't deserve your citizenship.


3) Lolita--by Vladmir Nabokov.

The genius of this book is, a friend once told me, that you feel sorry for Humbert. You know--the pedophile? He likes girls of a certain age, well, because he's a pervert. And young Lolita? Lolita takes him for everything he's got. You dislike both of them equally....Nabokov is brilliant, no?


4) A Farewell to Arms--Ernest Hemingway.

Again, this was banned because there's S-E-X in it. Not blatant pornographic sex, but when you have an unmarried nurse carrying on with a patient, and then she gets pregnant? Oh the humanity! Actually--this is my favorite Hemingway..I think he captures quite poignantly the innocence he fully lost while serving as an ambulance driver in WWI (and falling in love with a nurse on the battlefields). His later work is misogynistic and not very nice towards women. It's nice to know that at one time, he had the capacity to fully love.

5)Gone with the Wind--by Margaret Mitchell.

I will admit, this is totally a guilty pleasure for me, but it also contains my alter ego (well--let's just say who I really do aspire to be in some ways)--Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler. Oh, she's a real bitch..and I love every single second she's on the page. What's she going to do next? Survival of the fittest never looked so damn good! It's also a fantastic reminder that in the good old days? People were NOT more moral, more Christian, more nice, or even had better manners. It's just human nature wanting to gloss over the ugly parts of the past and pretend that they didn't happen. Kudos to Margaret Mitchell for laying it all out there--you see Old Dixie all right--warts and all.

6) Slaughterhouse Five--by Kurt Vonnegut

Indianapolis' Native Son, a real pioneer of the later half of the 20th century. A humanist with a real soul, if you want my opinion. Who else could really make you feel the plight of Billy Pilgrim? Time traveling prisoner of war? What else can I say to you but READ THIS BOOK. You will be a better person for it. Truly.


7) Lady Chatterly's Lover--D.H. Lawrence.

This is not a "smutty book"! Well--okay. It's kind of smutty, but not in the way you're thinking (get your mind out of the gutter pervert). It's a tragic story. She loves her husband, but then he's paralyzed and becomes emotionally dead to his wife. She's young, she's fairly attractive--she's a physical being who craves the love of a man. The mind alone cannot keep a person satisfied...this is why we have bodies. It's a real warning to those of us (like me), who tend to think we don't need affection or love from another to be fully satisfied souls. Guess what? We really, truly do.

8) An American Tragedy--Theodore Dreiser

Another Indiana boy--and one of my favorite writers, period. It's the story of a street missionary who flees his parents and the uber religious life only to fall in love with the wrong girl. Well, the right girl, actually--he just happens to get another girl pregnant first. Girl number one ends up dead in a lake. Girl number two? The beautiful and rich Sondra--who happens to love Clyde as much as he loves her. His great plan to get rid of Roberta goes horribly wrong..and well. I think you know how this story ends. One of the best book to screen movies ever made, A Place in the Sun, with the ethereal Elizabeth Taylor (so young--so heartbreakingly beautiful), Montgomery Clift, and the superb Shelley Winters, is worth checking out if you come across it.

So there you have--a mere snippet of the literally hundreds of books (which, FYI are mostly young adult and kids novels--Hunger Games, Harry Potter, and Beverly Clearly books have all been banned by countless school systems) that are banned in somewhere in the United States. A little crazy, huh?

Actually--it's a lot crazy.

So read on--and enjoy!

On a serious note...

Sometimes--things just add up and wallop you one right after another.

Trouble with cash flow? Check.

Trouble with my job? Check.

Trouble finding a new job? Check.

Trouble with life in general? Check. Check. And CHECK.

Boy oh boy. What a rough last eight weeks it's been. Silly me, wandering along, thinking for once--just once--things were, to quote Bing Crosby, "Going my Way!". Job prospects, my house was somewhat in order, and a good thing that people gave me nothing but shit for--but in a good natured way.

Well..fast forward. Grrrrr. Not. Bloody. Likely.

I really do try to be a glass half full person. But, being a realist at heart, sometimes this just doesn't work. So you step back and take a look at the clusterfuck that is your life...and you see that....

The problem?

The problem is me.

ME.

Yup. And I'm going to try really hard to fix it. Right now, I'm falling back into some old, scary habits that I really need to get reined in before it gets to be too much. But, I have this need to feel in control of something in my life...

So. For the first time in many (many) years--I know I can't do this myself. I can't fix me alone. And I certainly can't ask my friends to put up with more than they already have. I sat down today and looked into seeing a professional. I sent out some inquiries so we will see how it goes.

Hopefully not like the last time--I paid a stupid amount of money to be told there was nothing wrong with me, that it was the people around me with issues, got a pat on the head and a bill on my way out.

Hmm. While I like to think that part of the above is true--it's probably not 100%.

So--I wonder if Dr. Katz is available?

                                                     

(Sadly--I'm dating myself here, aren't I?)

So. Back to the normal, silly, non-sensical angry girl stuff soon...I promise! But I felt the need to get something this big off my chest.

Guess that's a start in the right direction, huh?

Baby Games....

Okay.

A few months back, I agreed (with no hesitation, mind you) to assist with my dear, dear cousin's baby shower coming up this Saturday.

I pulled game duty. I usually like making snacks or something--but considering there may be 75 people or so there--I think games are just fine by me.

So...my first idea was a baby obsticle course. How fast can you change a diaper? Put clothes on them? Get a kid in a car seat? Get them out of the car seat? I thought it would be fantastic to see people running around like fools. But..apparently, the elderly and the overweight don't like to run.

Or, more likely, the place we are having the baby shower doesn't want any law suits brought against them for when 80 year old ladies bite it on the church carpet.

Oh well. C'est la vie. If I am ever lucky enough (no--this is not said sarcastically) reproduce? This is the kind of farce I want at my baby shower. Please--and I know there are some of you out there who love me enough to do this--make it so.

So. I went with the much safer Baby Food game (pick twelve kinds of baby food--make sure pairs of them look alike. Make people guess which is which). The hardest part of the baby food game? You try finding 12 kinds of baby food that look alike. That don't have meat in them (BARF). Guess who will be having vegetarian offspring...until they can chew their own damn meat, anyway.

So. Right now I have eight jars. I think I'm going to have to broaden my search and go to a few more stores. Maybe tonight if I buy baby food with my cat food--people won't give me that shameful "Oh..you're a single girl. With cats." stare.

My second game is going to be sort of a Baby themed Price is Right. Fun, right? A friend of mine likes this game because it reinforces just how expensive babies are "And if you are freaked out by how much one basket of crap costs? You shouldn't be having any kids!" (And yes-I'm a firm believer if you can't feed yourself--you have NO DAMN BUSINESS reproducing. It's called an IUD. Go get one. I think the state should even pay for it if you already popped one out that you can't afford...Seriously--that's really how I would like my tax dollars to work. Not. Kidding.)

So. I'm explaing the above fun time to my mom. Dear. Mother. Sigh. Please enjoy the following e-mail exchange:

Me: I think one of my games is going to be "Baby Price is Right!" So, if you want to go in on the gift basket idea, I will pick up stuff for the game--and it can be part of our presents. Sound good? That way, you don't have to worry about getting anything else. Sound good??

Mom: I have never heard of the guess the price game. How does it work? (Really?? Mom...really?)

Me: You have items---and people have to guess how much they cost. The person who ends up with the total closes to what the items actually cost, wins the prize.

Carmen likes this game because it shows how expensive babies are. So if you can't afford them--you shouldn't have them : )

Mom:  So do you put Baby items in the basket? 

Me: No..I thought I would find some crack. Maybe a hooker? Or do you think a hooker is too much? Hmm. Maybe a blow up doll, instead.  And do you think condoms would be in bad taste?

Mom: WHAT?!?!

Me: Hey--crazy lady. Of course you put baby things in a basket. Geesh.

And you guys wonder why I'm nuts.