At least I didn't wake up in my car....

So. Got to try out the new medication last night...and I will admit--I was a little leery.


Last time I took 100mg of Imitrex, I woke up to find my car parked sideways in the driveway, windows down, my purse in the front seat, and various bags of half eaten food from fast food establishments.

I had a drug induced junk food binge which led to me sleeping for like 12 hours straight.

Scariest part? I remembered none of it. And I'm the kind of person that remembers 95% of the stupid, humiliating, horrid things I say, do, see when I'm intoxicated. It's a curse, really. No blacking out for me..oh no. Even when I've prayed for it to happen...no such luck.

So, last night I'm driving home from the boondocks of Hamilton County and I feel it start. The pulsating behind my eyes, the sudden super (it's crazy how fast this happens) sensitivity to light (which is perfect for night driving--makes it a real treat), feeling like my dinner is going to shoot up my throat any second, and finally the radiation of pain all over my skull, down my neck into my shoulders. Yup. Migraine number two of the week (maybe it's the weather??).

Off to CVS I go to pick up my pills. Nine pills. Just nine. Apparently, that's the highest number of these bad boys you can have at one time. So this explains the 10 refills on my script...cause I thought the doctor said 90 pills with all those refills. Hmm. Maybe I need my hearing checked, too. (YIKES) Paid my little fee, drove home, took my pill, grabbed a book...and waited.

After about a half an hour, I had this grody burning in my nose and an awful taste in my mouth. In fact, it's still kind of there. Like when you chew on aspirin. Nastiness that just won't go away. Still had a headache, but not as pounding (still do, actually).

At midnight, I finished my new book, turned off the light and tried to go to sleep.

And this is where it gets weird.

I had the most insane, weird, creepy dreams. Like falling constantly and seeing people falling with you. Talking to them, watching them splat to the ground (and yes--all people I know) and probably die--but I just kept on falling and falling and falling. It was unnerving just floating about waiting for my turn to squish apart on the ground.

Then the one where Yogi could talk. Oh god. I rolled over to see him sleeping next to me, he turned his head and snarled "Hey lady, back OFF! This be my spot!" (Apparently my little fur ball is an angry Jamaican). It was so real that when I woke up freaking out to see him sleeping next to me I actually got out of bed and moved to the couch for a while because I was so weary of him bitch slapping me and calling me names in my sleep.

So. Today? I'm exhausted. I slept like crap and I still have the remnants of a headache. I'm supposed to give this a month and see how I do. If it doesn't improve?

I get put on a Topamax regimen. And it? It has a side effect I can fully support: Weight Loss.

Web MD--you are the devil. And I'm an idiot.

I have found something tragically true about myself.

I have enough information to be dangerous when it comes to my own health. Very. Dangerous.

For example, I have this funny bump behind my ear. I'll be honest, it's kind of freaking me out. Here's a snippet of my inner dialogue every time I think about said bump or, heaven forbid, touch it. Which is constantly.

"Oh God! Is that a lymph node? I wish I had eyes back there! What color is it? Is this why I'm waking up to hoarf my guts out in the middle of the night?" *Panic* " Is it the nasty C word?!??!"

To make matters worse, I'm a literate adult. Who was raised by a nurse. Who was in school when I was a kid. Who tended to leave textbooks lying about. Who should have realized this was an issue because her four year old was reading almost at an adult level...and able to sound out even the nastiest of diseases. Even better? The same kid came wide eyed at her with freaky looking pictures of diseased bits of people asking "Mommy??? What IS THIS?!!!!" So--nothing was really ever censored in my house. No cute names for your bits and pieces and full disclosure in regards to communicable disease.

Which is probably why I REALLY don't like people touching me.

But back to me and my nodule of death....

I went to WebMD to see what the frack this thing IS. Let's see it could be a cyst (most likely), it could be a blocked hair follicle (behind my ear? probably not), it could be cancer, it could be nothing at all and I'm just a freak of nature that breaks out in weird flesh colored bumps.

My eye? Goes straight to cancer. As in "Oh my god. I have cancer. All the headaches and retching? Make total sense. I'm going to die."

Which is a load of total crap (except the dying part--we all bite the dust at some point). I have to rein myself in and tell myself that I don't have cancer, it's just a weird fluke thing, and it's FINE.

Besides I'm going to the doctor tomorrow anyway for new migraine drugs...and I will tell him what I found online at WebMd and the Mayo Clinic and show him my bump....

And he will laugh.

At me.

Right to my face.

And I will deserve it.

Same as it ever was.....kinda. Sorta. Maybe?

Okay--I have to start off by saying watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1wg1DNHbNU&feature=related

I don't know what it is about this song--but it seems appropriate for big decision moments in ones life. For example, I made one yesterday.

Big. Big time.

And it's done. I've put a date on my calendar. I have a deadline to myself--and I refuse to go back on it this time. Refuse!

It's nothing personal--just professional (NO--I am NOT going back to school. I wish! But that's what the future is for. One day, I will be a Dr. of something--trust me.) I sent out a request on Facebook yesterday, and I will repeat it here: If you know anyone who could spare 20 mins of their time to speak to me about Marketing, Advertising, Public Relations (kinda the preferred genre, but I'm not going to be picky), Project Management, etc--please let me know! Know me? Send me an e-mail? Don't know me? Leave me a comment!

So--on a more fun topic...my possessed car? Is fixed!

What was wrong with my car? Well.

Long story short?

It was messed with. The mechanic at the dealership said someone tried to get under the hood of my car--without the benefit of releasing the latch on the inside of my car. This, screwed up the alarm system, which caused the lights to flash and the horn to honk at all hours of the night. It also destroyed the mechanism that keeps the hood down. So--I'm damn lucky it didn't blow up when I was, oh, I don't know, driving on the interstate at 75 miles an hour. I could have killed someone. Or been killed. So--to the stupid, idiotic morons who not only tried to get under my hood, but messed with my tires, too in Bedford?

You will SO get what's coming to you.

Karma? She's a real bitch. And you will deserve: Every. Single. Horrible. Thing. That. Happens. To. You.

So, if it weren't for a really good friend and her amazing soon to be husband? (Thank you Colleene and Mike!!!! You are awesome!)

I would be out some serious cash money.

And you all know how much I hate to be separated from my funds.

And that? Well...I think I will turn to David Byrne again....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Smge23DCE8

Qu'est-ce que c'est??

(And do I plan on causing anyone any harm? No! Because I'm not crazy like so many people are. But I do love that song....)

Sick and the Single Girl

Being sick?

Sucks.

Being sick and living alone?

Double. Sucks.

Now--don't get me wrong. I love living in my little hovel (Right now? I wouldn't let anyone I know through the front door. I've been such a lazy buggar as of late....) solo. No roommate to eat my food, no boyfriend to make me watch Sports Center....again (and again and again and again), no husband that pretends to not know how a dishwasher functions. I mean really--am I missing out on that much?

And yes--that is a rhetorical question people.

So if you value your self esteem--don't answer it.

But..I digress.

Last night, I got home from work around 6:30 pm..and I went to bed. I had a freight train of a migraine going through my head...it hurt so bad I cried like a little girl once my head hit the pillow until I (literally) passed out from pain.

I woke up a little while later, still in agony, but my stomach was making empty noises (Probably because I threw up everything in it off the side of US 136 on my drive home. Classy, no?)

Do you know what I would have given, in that moment, for a real live human being to be living with me? I love my boys, but cats, shouldn't drive. Just ask Toonces. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQkL9LpvKl0)

Besides, Bernie Williams was too busy burrowing into my stomach and Yogi was laying on my feet to be much help for anything.

And all I wanted?

Wonton Soup.

So, I dragged my sad ass outta bed and over to the Chinese place close to my house. $3.25 later, I had a pint of wonton soup and an veggie egg roll.

I really wanted some rainbow sherbet, too--but the grocery was just too far away. (Actually, I don't think my legs would have held me up for too much longer...I got home and fell face first back into bed.)

Drank all the broth, ate half the egg roll, shot back more migraine meds and snuggled in to watch Snapped (A good one! Teenage lesbians continue to go out even though one of them marries a guy to get her family off her back--but the guy finds out about all the sneaking around--and he and the girl he married kill the second girl by cutting her throat...gruesome! Just what I needed to watch to take my mind off things...I know, I know--I'm not right.)

I woke about 3 am...and would have sold my soul for a ginger ale. But the cats, as usual, were not helpful. So, again, I dragged myself out of bed, got my drink, took more pills and prayed for unconsciousness to overtake me. No such luck..but I tried.

Maybe what I need is a live in housekeeper. This would solve two problems for me 1) My house would be so much cleaner! and 2) There would always be someone here to bring me ginger ale.

I think I have a new life goal.....better start the planning to make this happen!

Unless I find some poor sap to put up with me first.

Hmm.....

Better start saving for the maid!