Surviving Hell Week, Moving on Wheels, and Snow Pants...(yes--Snow Pants)

So I made it.

Last week was that most wonderful point at the end of the semester where children sell their books back. If you aren't familiar with such a practice--consider yourself lucky. I think the lightest box I packed was around 60 pounds. And yes--I have to move these suckers. I guess I should count my blessings that I don't look like a Russian body builder or something.

Considering that I really had very high hopes of not going through yet another one of these god-awful-weeks from hell, well, I let myself get pretty pissed off at these kids. (Which means, my friends, it's REALLY time for me to find a new job.) If I had to hear from little Suzy Sunshine or Johnny Man on Campus how "I didn't even use this book...and I still passed." or "You don't have to really read this crap, why bother?" or better yet "The prof tells me everything I need to know to pass the tests...why should I do more work?" my head was going to explode. I'm sorry--higher education is NOT A RIGHT. I'm old school: if you can't appreciate the fact that someone is paying almost 100 K for you to go school-you do NOT deserve to be there. Go work at Dairy Queen until you can appreciate learning. I'm just so sick of people from the age of 16 to 25. Guess what? You aren't special, you aren't the best thing to ever happen on this planet, and your parents need to be beaten for creating monsters like you!

There. I'm done with that.

Now, here's a much better mental image for you: me doing laundry in my freaking skates. A girl has got to learn somehow, and why not in the house? The only thing that sucks is my hallway is rather short, so I'm doing a lot of stopping and starting. Oh! And a word of warning: Carpet = stopping. Stopping very fast, actually. What a thing to learn with arms full of folded clothing fresh from the dryer. I guess the good thing is that they, at the very least, padded my fall. The loverly bruise on my knee and on my lower rib cage? Well..they are finally fading to a delightful shade of putrid yellow. Nice. I'm beginning to think Amy and Brittany may be right: A helmet is probably a good idea. Even more funny was the fact that when I went to get my hair cut this morning, Anthony talked about sponsoring the Roller Derby teams in town and trying to learn to skate. I told him where I bought mine because he was having a hard time finding quad skates and I told him of my antics at trying to teach myself so far. After he stopped laughing, he said I should go talk to the girls, as they might need comic releif in the upcoming season.

Yeah..he's a funny guy, isn't he?

And since I am the clumsiest girl ever, of course it is a fantastic idea for me to go skiing tomorrow....

I'm sorry, just typing that made me laugh. Let's be honest here, Rhea will, in all probability, not be skiing. I will be falling. A lot. So there will be a veritable rainbow coloring my body in the near future. Of course, to go skiing, one needs pants. Snow pants.

Do you know how damn hard it is to find snow pants in this town? I finally found a pair of boys overall thingies in black at wal-mart (shudder....wal-mart mere days before christmas). So I've brought them home for the final test: Do they fit?

Oh. Dear. Jesus.

I look like an overcooked Stay Puff Marshmallow Man with breasts. But they fit. Put the the coat on....my new sensible water proof gloves...top it off with the hat...

And now I appear to be an overfed mental patient who has wandered free of the institution.

So much for looking like one of those cute little snow bunnies on the slopes. Since I can't ski--I had at least hoped to appear adorable enough for someone to stop and help me up when I inevitably fall on my ass.

Crap.

Can't I ever catch a break?

Status--Day One: Feeling Good! Just 11 more to go!

Weekend? What weekend?

Between working on Saturday (thankfully we weren't too busy...just busy enough) and then heading out to dinner and downtowning with some friends and then family stuff on Sunday..um. Yea. Where did my weekend go again?

The only bonus? My laundry is kind of caught up.

Kind of. I don't think I've been home for more than 3 hours (with the exception of sleep) in over two weeks. I should be tired..but I'm not.

Will wonders never cease?


So.

I'm on my way to being a gym rat. Well, sort of. Maybe.

I think I will still do my weights at home (tons of muscly type guys there last night working with the equipment..and while last night I was with a chatty bunch--and NOT shy at all, I am sort of the opposite with strangers. Especially when I'm sweating. And they are ripped enough to kill me with their bare hands.) but tonight, I think the rowing machine is calling my name.

Shocking tidbit: I almost did crew in college.

But they expected you to be up at the ass crack of dawn in the cold and then get in even colder water...needless to say, someone was delusional. And it wasn't me.

However, rowing is a fantastic way to tighten up..and since I like it, and they have a machine sitting right there, right there in front of the TV even, what's stopping me?

Nada.

My first night in I ended up doing a little over five miles on the bike and three miles on the elliptical. Not bad, not bad at all.

So..my goal is to do at least 9 miles tonight and the rowing machine.

I feel pretty good actually.

We shall see if this trend continues!

Oh! And the best part of my day (well..sort of this morning since I didn't get home until midnight)..my skates are here!

And yes, I did put them on and goof about in the house. Hmm. It's probably good that I live alone sometimes, huh?

Let the Bloodbath begin...

I'm about to do something potentially dangerous and stupid..but oh well.

Why wait until New Year's to start a resolution when I can do it now?

Thanks to my buddy Amy--I have a a twelve day pass to the uber nice Westview Healthplex...and as the title implies--well, it may not be pretty.

Methinks that I can put in at least an hour a two a day for 12 days straight.

I think I can...I think I can...

After all--what's the point of turning 30 if you won't enjoy it. Meaning..I want to make those 21 year old sorority girls pick their jaws up off the floor. Ha!

And maybe score their boyfriend's phone numbers while we are at it.

Why not? Stranger things have happened...but right now I can't think of any.

At this point, I'm really pumped about my new roller derby style skates..(they look like sneakers with wheels..how cool is that?). Now, they aren't My Little Pony (which I had) or Strawberry Shortcake (ditto), or even Riedells (which I also used to have..I actually used to be pretty good at this stuff), but they are fanfreakingtastically fun! And I'm sure will be the best way to keep the back looking as good as the front (skating does amazing things for the butt people..I'm not kidding).

So as Operation "Get My Ass Moving" starts this weekend, think of me.

And try not to laugh.

How I survived the Holiday (or: Black Friday shenanigans and you are never too old to 'back that ass up' and make a fool of yourself in public...)

Ah...Thanksgiving.

That wonderful American holiday of gorging oneself into a coma. (And don't blame the turkey, it's all in your blood sugar my friends.)It's a day of parades and (for the most part bad) football games, relatives that you like, and some that you don't. Like a family reunion for some, but with better food and less chance of getting food poisoning from eating some mayonnaise based salad that's been sitting outside in the sun for six hours....

You get the picture.

Turkey day morning, I rushed to the rents house, grabbed a (turns out uneaten) turkey breast and a ham that I then took home to cook in my own oven while I got ready. My house, well, let's just say it smelled AMAZING. Take said food out of the oven, get back to my parents house and let the feasting begin!

Oh wait. Apparently I'm the only one in the whole joint who knows how to carve an eighteen (and why we even had a turkey this big is beyond me) pound turkey. Damn you anatomy...you just keep sticking with me.

So yes, a few hours later, yours truly was in a sort of food coma. Not too bad though..I headed home and prepared myself for the dumbest thing (okay..I can think of way dumber now, but I couldn't at the time) I have ever done: Black Friday Shopping.

Yes children, I left my house at 5:15 am to get to stores. I went to Menards (and only for my grandmother..they had something she wanted to give as a gift there to some people that turned out to be crazy cheap...only for her did I go in after I say the craziness that was the parking lot) and got stocked up on some batteries (60 for less than 8 bucks!), that window cling stuff to keep the cold air out, some other nonsense--and 45 mins of standing in line later, I was free.

On to Target and one more stop and I was home by 9:45 am. Not too bad.

However, I will never go out like that again. Totally NOT worth it. I think I would have preferred to sleep in and enjoy my turkey day coma.

Saturday, headed off to work at the museum, and after helped Amy with her exterior lighting. With one exception of her almost falling head first into a giant bush, no one was hurt, the lights still worked after we got them up and looked really nice. Not jank at all. Thank god for light clips!

After the fun with lights, we decided to head into Broad Ripple for some bazbeaux and some people watching. Dinner was great, had some drinks, walked around some more, had some more drinks, sang along with the crap blaring over the sound system (see? I can still make a complete and total idiot of myself in public...), wondered very much out loud "Where are all the good looking men?? Not here, that's for sure." (again...dur), and called it a night about 1:30 and headed home.

And woke up Sunday morning at 7 am. What the hell?

No rest for the wicked I guess.

And now it's back to the salt mines and a mere 18 days of being trapped here listening to Christmas music.

If I don't kill myself first.

Holy crap--it's Monday again? Already?!?

That sums it up pretty nicely. It's no wonder time freaking flies--when you live in a cycle. Sometimes, I feel like my life has become Groundhog Day. Now all I need is Bill Murray in the seat next to me on my drive to work: "Don't drive angry!"

I've had a fairly eventful past few days, that's for sure. Let's start with the humiliation that was Thursday.

If you are in the pop-culture know (or are a 14 year old girl), you are aware that on Thursday at midnight, the second installment of the Twilight Saga was released

And yes. I was there. Carmen had to go at midnight--which is fine. I did it for Star Wars (remember that Beth--standing in those lines with all those guys hoping that the tix wouldn't sell out??) re-releases and the newer ones, too (The old ones are by far the best..and there is just something amazing about hearing that John Williams score. However, the best thing about the new movies? Ewan McGregor...), so I understand the desire to be "the first". Except we were like the first 1000 + to see this thing.

First off, it was a clusterfuck of madness. If the theater manager had worked for me--I would have fired them. Lines that made no sense, (you had to stand in line to pick up pre-paid tickets along with people who hadn't bought tickets...what in the hell is the point of that?), clearly not enough help at concessions (lines were over 40 mins long at the front one, I stood in line for 25 at the back one), and filth. The normally very clean Rave theater was disgustingly filthy. Sticky floors, dirty carpets, not so bad but could have been better bathrooms. Blech.

And screaming women (ages ranged from 5 to 60) EVERYWHERE. Women old enough to be my mom wearing "Team Edward" and "Team Jacob" shirts. And boys doing the same. Talk about disturbing. I know I pissed a woman in line off when I turned to Carmen and said at one point "I'm so glad our parents had sense. When I was 12 there is no way in hell they would let me go to a movie at midnight when I had to go to school the next day." I mean what's more important--school or a freaking movie? So they'll be pissed--step up and be a damn parent! Say NO to your damn children! I should mention this haggard looking woman had a gaggle of giggling little girls with her. She kept giving me the stink eye after my little speech. And you know I gave it right back. Idiot. Your children will grow up to be morons. Thanks ahead of time for that!

So we get to our seats (not bad, actually--except that they were kind of broken and wobbly), and I tell Carm that I have to have a real Coke and some popcorn if I'm going to make it through this debacle (no nap--that means Rhea was sleepy). I asked her if she wanted anything. Her response: "Ask them if they have any dignity. Or pride. Maybe both." She was kidding of course, but I really did think about asking for it when I ordered my snacks. The look of terror/horror/genuine fear on the girl's face led me to believe that she was not the person who would appreciate my attempts at wit, so I let it slide.

Movie plays, it's not bad. Not like the first one--which was ok. I have read the books, and they, with the exception of the last one, are pretty good. Do I feel the need to own them, the film, or any of the other stuff? Nope. I'm good. Besides, I can always borrow them from Carmen : ) Was it worth getting home after 3 am and having to be at work by 8 the next day? Hmm. Probably not.

So Friday wasn't as bad as I thought--I wasn't exhausted until Saturday night, so this is good. Got to leave work early as my check engine light came on (Do you know they wanted to charge me 87.50 for a diagnostic at the dealership?!?! Do I look stupid or something? As soon as I said I would just go across the street to AutoZone, they changed their tune..). Apparently it's my thermostat--the car isn't getting warm enough? I've never heard of such a thing, and they said they could fix it for 127.50. Or I got the book out, looked it up, bought the thermostat for 11.50 + tax and fixed the damn thing myself. How handy am I? Damn handy. Changed the air filter while I was at it, too. When sharing this information, I was told this is why I can't get a boyfriend--they know I really don't need a man around. While I am adept at most manual tasks, well, let's put it this way, a girl can't do everything by herself.....but back to Friday.

After getting the spiel from the dealership, I headed up to Amy's house and we headed out to the International Festival. I ate yummy masala and a samosa (yum), had some cultural fun watching dancers, looking at all the stuff, and bought myself a Japanese good luck cat. It has kittens on it, too. Very cute. And it better work.

Saturday was supposed to be the day I put together the blanket that I'm making for my aunt and uncle for x-mas, but that didn't happen due to my mother. We went shopping and she spent her money--I chauffeured. I left home around 11:30, didn't get back until after nine. So much for that day.

Sunday was the football viewing party (of which I did not watch much football...YOU'RE WELCOME COLTS FANS--cause if I had, Baltimore would be very happy today). I was supposed to go to a lecture at the museum around 4, too, but time got away from me and I looked down and it was after 4:30! Oops. So Amy and I went to Target where again, she shopped and I drove. (However, Target once again carries Kids and Pets!! This is the best stuff ever for stains, carpets, etc. Of course I bought some!) Got back to her house and watched the story of my life, aka "The Holiday", and then I headed home. Ooh! Don't anyone ever tell you those card things for discounts aren't worth it! My Qdoba card got me a free burrito last night. How awesome is that?

And now it is Monday of a Holiday week. At least I don't have to be here all day on Wednesday.

Is it Wednesday yet?

Please?

Dollar Store Drama...it doesn't get better than this!

Okay--this is almost embarrassing to admit, but I love wandering through those Dollar Tree type stores (Where EVERYTHING is a dollar!). Having a bad day? Want to feel better about yourself? Get thee to the dollar store!

Let me say--there are certain things I'm kind of cheap about. Trash bags are one of them. Why should I spend 10.00 on 40 bags that I am just going to THROW AWAY! It is literally throwing money away. So I buy cheap trash bags, sue me. Sometimes you can get lucky and find useful things, too. But mostly junk. I don't really condone buying canned goods (one, you can get store brand cheaper at the grocery store dummies, two, most of it comes from outside of the US where health/safety factors may not be as strict) at such a place. Or a pregnancy test.

Don't worry. We'll get back to that one in a minute.

And that whole feeling better about yourself? Absolutely! Last time I was there, they had pink sharpie markers (which I LOVE) and so I was buying one or two with my trash bags when I am nearly run over by this overly made up blond amazon in a shredded CSI t-shirt barely hanging on by one shoulder and jeans so tight I'm shocked she could bend over. The blond is stocking up on some outdated mascara and bonnie bell lip gloss (Yes--sometimes you can get brand name stuff here-that's part of the fun. You never know what in the hell you are going to find...). I look down at this person's feet: Gnarly!! Ugh. Grody toenails (which make me GAG faster than anything else) and ginormous feet in ugly Jesus sandals! I thought this poor girl needs a pedi pronto and then looked up at "her" face.

"She" was no girl, but a 16 to 18 year old boy with a bleached blond bob, Tammy Faye mascara, bright blue eyeliner (ooooohhh, Princess Di is rolling in her grave), a five o'clock shadow, and hot pink lipstick. Like hot pink lipstick I wore playing dress up in 1986. Oh. Dear. Lord. Oh how did I happen to stumble upon this fantastic find?!?! I was deliriously excited as he/she had attitude like no other. While paying for his goodies, his phone rang...he answered with this: "Hey Sexy! Wait. Why aren't you talking like normal. What? Are you around your stupid football friends? Are you ashamed of me? I swear to God, this is the last time I'm meeting up with you if you don't buy me more stuff to make up for it!" This last part was almost not heard by humans because it was so high pitched. I'm sure there were dogs losing their minds a few blocks over in Meadowood. I'm also quite sure his secret jock high school boyfriend would die if any of his friends knew he was hitting a Malibu Ken doll.

With grody feet.

There was a pause in the screeching, and then he must have been placated because he made kissy noises in to the phone and promised to meet his "love" later that night.

Barf. (This is how I feel about anyone making an ass of themselves by making the above noises and using pet names in public places where others can hear. Listen up "babies" talking to your "sugars"--that's none of my damn business! I don't want to know, nor do I care. I also don't want to vomit.)

The best part of this scenario? The little old lady in front of me who clearly needed glasses. Why? Cause she turned to me and said "She'll never get a husband if she keeps painting herself up like that. Why she looks like a floozy!"

Seriously people--does it get any better??

Yes. Yes it does.

As I was paying $3.21 for my markers and trash bags, this dude who looked like he had just crawled out from under a dump truck came and stood behind me to ask the cashier:

"Do y'all sell pregnancy testing sticks?"

ha ha ah ah ah hahahahahahahahhaahhaha

Okay. I didn't laugh at the time, but I barely made it out the door because the look on the girl's face was priceless. It radiated "Dear God--someone had sex with you on PURPOSE?!? I have to admit I had the same feelings, but I was even more shocked by her answer:

"Um. Yes. On aisle six."

So there you go kids--if you are ever in a pinch and want to know if there's a baby involved and are low on cash, no worries.

Just head to the dollar store : )

But don't say I didn't warn you when that test tells you you're birthing a pair of pandas.

Busy, busy girl!

Sometimes, you just have to say "You know what? I'm tired of this crap.." and start turning things around.

That would be me.

The "crap" would be just life in general.

So, my new mantra is to be Busy Girl. I want to have places to go, people to see, and to find out if I truly lost the ability to flirt with extremely good looking men when I was three. (Now that's a story for another time--sorry!)

But to recap the last few days...Friday I worked until freaking 1 am. At work. Boo. Now this wouldn't have been so bad if I had gotten into bed before 2 am on Friday morning. C'est la vie...whatever and ever, amen.

Saturday, I worked a hopping day at the museum, then headed home (again, with just a few hours of sleep under my belt), meaning to hit Starbucks on the way, but forgot--oops--and made myself up as Cleo. I didn't look half bad, actually. When Amy picked me up (she was a Border Patrol officer--hehe), she said I looked like Liz Taylor with my dark hair and green eyes (or maybe it was green eyeshadow and big girls....but you get the picture). Yup. I even wore a wig. I kind of liked the way I looked with black hair. The bangs were kind of cute, too. But I don't think I'm willing to give up my signature shade quite yet. And wigs are itchy--but if it was just for a few hours, it could be fun. Wait--it was fun!

So we hit the party (with tons of people in kick ass costumes--mostly couples, but really fun and nice). Had a little adventure getting home on the rural roads of Hendricks, Boone, and Marion counties--but we made it back in one piece.

Sunday was a lazy day of working on the resume and cover letter for the new job prospects (hopeful, hopeful, hopeful). Met up with some people for dinner/drinks (always a good time), and was home at the somewhat reasonable hour of 11:30. But since we switched back to Standard Time--it felt like 12:30. Ahhh...driving home in the dark at 5:30. Fun times. Winter, she's definitely a coming.

Monday--well, Monday was amazing. Awesome. So very good.

Left work a little bit early (always a bonus), met up with the ladies at Yats for a pre-show dinner of Chicken Creole (oooh Yats--why are you so good? And cheap...). Then we headed over to Clowes to hear the Swell Season (they had an opener..Mark Dunning I think was his name? I have his CD in my car--he was really good, too). This was an amazing show. I'm so glad Jonelle brought it up. I'm now addicted to Glen Hansard's voice...even though he sounds pretty much like he does on the CD--this guy puts on a great performance. If you get the chance to see them--you totally should check it out.

So that's been the last few days. I even snuck in some X-mas shopping for Carm, Mom and Dad at the Bookstore. What can I say, you can never have too much Butler stuff!

I'm hoping for good news in the next few weeks. And for a busy schedule!